Hey, folks! Here's the deal with Joshua 12: Listen, Jack, I'm not joking-- this chapter is literally all about the kings that Joshua and the people of Israel conquered in Canaan. I tell you what-- these kings were not gonna take it lying down! My father used to say, "Never mess with a king, son!" See here, Jack-- there was King of Jerusalem, King of Hebron, King of Jarmuth, King of Lachish, King of Eglon, King of Gezer, King of Debir, King of Geder, King of Hormah, King of Arad, King of Libnah, King of Adullam, King of Makkedah, King of Bethel, King of Tappuah, King of Hepher, King of Aphek, King of Lasharon, King of Madon, King of Hazor, King of Shimron-meron, King of Achshaph, King of Taanach, King of Megiddo, King of Kedesh, King of Jokneam in Carmel, King of Dor in Naphath-dor, King of Goiim in Gilgal, and King of Tirzah. What was that? Thirty-one kings in all, c'mon man! All were conquered by Joshua and the people of Israel.

But that's not all, folks! The chapter also describes the borders of the land-- from the Arnon River to Aphek, and from the sea to the Jordan. Excuse me, but I think it's pretty amazing that the Israelites were able to conquer a land that huge. Not gonna happen today, I tell ya! That's why we gotta cherish the Bible and all it stands for, no malarkey!