"Listen up, maggots! This is the book of Acts, chapter 16. It starts off with Paul and Silas in the city of Philippi. They meet a slave girl possessed by a spirit of divination and Paul casts the spirit out. Her masters get mad and drag Paul and Silas before the authorities. They get beaten and thrown in prison. But God doesn't let them stay there for too long. There's an earthquake that opens the prison doors and everyone's chains are loosed! The prison guard is so freaked out that he's ready to kill himself, but Paul stops him. Then the guard and his entire family get baptized. The next morning, the magistrates let Paul and Silas go. That's it, maggots! The end."