Alex: Alright, so what do you do for a living?

Contestant: Well, I'm actually a student of the Bible. I'm currently studying 2 Samuel 13.

Alex (sighing): Oh, great. Please tell me it's not another Bible story.

Contestant: Well, I really think this one is an important story. It's about how King David's son, Amnon, falls in love with his half-sister, Tamar. He rapes her, but then is filled with so much guilt and shame that he hates her. Her brother, Absalom, is so angry that he plots to have Amnon killed.

Alex: Oh, come on. That's not a summary. It's a full-on narrative.

Contestant: Well, in the end, Absalom manages to have Amnon killed and then flees in exile. King David is filled with grief and anger, but eventually decides to forgive Absalom and allow him to return home.

Alex: Ugh. Look, I don't know what to tell you. I'm so done with these Bible stories!