Alex Trebek: So, tell me about yourself!

Contestant: Well, Alex, I'd like to talk about the Bible. Specifically, about Revelation 9.

Alex Trebek (groaning): Do we have to? Okay, what does it say?

Contestant: Well, it talks about a massive army of locusts coming out of the bottomless pit. They have the power to sting people, but not kill them. It also says that their leader is the angel of the bottomless pit, whose name in Hebrew is Abaddon, and in Greek, Apollyon.

Alex Trebek (sighing): Great. And what else?

Contestant: The locusts are commanded to only sting people who do not have the seal of God on their foreheads, and they will be in a great deal of pain for five months. But they will still be alive.

Alex Trebek (rolling his eyes): Anything else?

Contestant: Yes! It also talks about a second plague that will be released after the locusts. It will be an army of two hundred million horses that will kill a third of humanity.

Alex Trebek (shaking his head): Alright, I think we should move on now.